In my lifetime, which is not all that short, I have rarely known a time when I could not give or get a hug when the time was right. We are rarely away from those we love that much to not be able to hug. As it turns out, hugging is an important way in which we express affection, reassurance, kindness, forgiveness, sadness and several other emotionally-cementing feelings. A hug is like the idea of a home instead of the structure of a house. A hug reminds us that we are loved and we love. It is a part of our humanity.
Along comes SARS-CoV-2 and COVID19…..not only does the virus and the clinical syndromes it invokes cause illness, stress, death and fear, but also they necessitate that we stay at home, often alone, but in particular, they inflict the worst of psycho-emotional trauma by isolating people infected in healthcare organizations by themselves. The caregivers do their very best to care and provide support in the sterile environment of a hospital ward, but no touching, not too close, not to personal. Worse yet, the sicker the patient is, the more isolated and “instrumented” they become, and ultimately, if they are near death, the family is not allowed to visit. And, as has been discussed by others, the dying, frightened patient has no family supports, and their final moments will be alone. The inhumanity that is conveyed by the virus being present is profound and will be long-lasting in its obverse effects on family members and close friends. It is a harsh circumstance for compassionate, fatigued, teary-eyed healthcare workers who say goodbye to an isolated human being. The degree of isolation is more intense when there are numerous people in intensive care wards, where life and death struggles are pervasive. There are not hugs.
Even workers in other roles beyond health care who are deemed to be providing “essential services” have no hugs. Instead, they have customers, members of the pubic-at-large, people needing a service or a product, who are physically distanced, nervous, expectant, and uncomfortable. These people in essential services include the police, firefighters, transit operators, hardware store experts, home services experts, meat-packing plant workers, among others. They are in the awkward position of “having to work” while staying safe in the midst of people who may not be very evenly apprised of what social or physical distancing is or needs to be. Focusing on the task at hand, often puts those workers at risk. Indeed, just like healthcare workers, the police, firefighters, transit workers, meat packing plant workers and others have been exposed to the virus, have died from the virus. Their have been few hugs for these unfortunate victims.
In the current environment, the peoples of the world are going hug-less. Grandmothers, grandfathers, grandchildren, mothers, fathers, neighbours, strangers, friends and colleagues………all without a standard dose of hugs. So, just as exercise is one the best, cheap medicines for body and mind, hugs are medicine for the soul. We are desperately missing the regular administration of this therapy. It is leaving a sense of disconnection, frustration and loss that is akin to the loss of someone we love when they die. But in this circumstance, we are grieving that loss of human contact, physical, emotional and mental on a constant, expansive way. That crucial hug is missing. Those peoples who live as migrants have often lost the opportunity to hug…….now we know how that feels!
As the first wave of COVID19 subsides, and social/physical distancing is not so stringent. We should take the opportunity to hug everyone you know more often than ever before, more strongly, more deeply. The hug has been an act we have taken for granted. Life and times now remind us that hugs are to be treasured since they may never come again.
Very thoughtful and hidden effects of COVID19.
Thanks for talking about this. Much needed it